Self-Love is a vital part living in a blissful state of wellbeing and attracting desirable outcomes for our life. It has many influences in a variety of areas including our love life, work and career, financial decisions and ability to manage stress and difficulties that arise.

There are many helpful resources that can assist, however we do not gain self-love through make up, inspirational books, new relationships or unearned financial gains. We obtain self-love by being in a state of appreciation on our own selves where our actions enhance and flourish our psychological, spiritual and physical development.

As we grow and make mature decisions, we learn to expand our self-love. We start to accept our weaknesses as well as our strengths, having not to explain our shortcomings. We have compassion for ourselves where we search for meaning, feel balanced in our life purpose and values, and have the expectation of fulfilment living through our efforts.

Dr Patricia Khoshaba Psy. D of Hardiness Institute in Irvine, California wrote “The Seven Step Prescription to Self-Love”. It defines the seven things essential for growing self-love for ourselves and attracting the things we most desire, naturally into our life, when we give ourselves more.

The seven-step prescription includes but is not limited to the following:

1.         Become mindful. People who have more self-love tend to know what they think, feel, and want. They are mindful of who they are and act on this knowledge, rather than on what others want for them.

2.         Act on what you need rather than what you want. You love yourself when you can turn away from something that feels good and exciting to what you need to stay strong, centred, and moving forward in your life, instead. By staying focused on what you need, you turn away from automatic behaviour patterns that get you into trouble, keep you stuck in the past, and lessen self-love.

3.         Practice good self-care. You will love yourself more, when you take better care of your basic needs. People high in self-love nourish themselves daily through healthy activities, like sound nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy and healthy social interactions.

4.         Set boundaries. You will love yourself more when you set limits or say no to work, love, or activities that deplete or harm you physically, emotionally and spiritually, or express poorly who you are.

5.         Protect yourself. Bring the right people into your life. I love the term frenemies that I learned from my younger clients. It describes so well the type of “friends” who take pleasure in your pain and loss rather than in your happiness and success. My suggestion to you here: Get rid of them! There is not enough time in your life to waste on people who want to take

away the shine on your face that says, “I genuinely love myself and life.” You will love and respect yourself more.

6.         Forgive yourself. We humans can be so hard on ourselves. The downside of taking responsibility for our actions is punishing ourselves too much for mistakes in learning and growing. You have to accept your humanness (the fact that you are not perfect), before you can truly love yourself. Practice being less hard on yourself when you make a mistake. Remember, there are no failures, if you have learned and grown from your mistakes; there are only lessons learned.

7.         Live intentionally. You will accept and love yourself more, whatever is happening in your life, when you live with purpose and design. Your purpose does not have to be clear to you. If your intention is to live a meaningful and healthy life, you will make decisions that support this intention, and feel good about yourself when you succeed in this purpose. You will love yourself more if you see yourself accomplishing what you set out to do. You need to establish your living intentions, to do this.


1.         Khoshaba Psy. D, Patricia, 2012, Hardiness Institute, Irvine, California; 2012